Saturday, May 24, 2014

The Worst Feeling

Hello Bloggers all around the World. This is Orlan, the owner of this blog and I just can't help myself to share my thoughts and my feeling today.

Ahmm, I was a young man who always wanted to give the best for my family, I wanted to help my family and could give the best life that they deserved to have, most especially my parents.

My Father is already 50 years old, supposedly, he should be only staying here in our house while sitting on our couch, watching his favorite sports which is boxing and drinking his coffee but sad to say it's not.

My Father is in the middle east now, working just to give us the life that he wanted us to have and to support my younger sister that's still studying and now that she's already on her college degree, it will be too difficult for my parents to handle the expenses that's why he decided to work abroad.

My mother is a housekeeper and a store manager (it's just a sari-sari store hehe). But of course, our store cant compensate all the expenses here in our house.

I have an older brother, he's 26 years old and already married. It was good to have a kid here in our home but the fact still remains that we are still not in the good life. I also have a older sister, she graduated as a nurse in one of the colleges in Davao. She has a work before but she resigned because her work is not related to the degree that she finished and she didn't like the manager.

While me, I'm a freelance writer and blogger. I have a work before but I also resigned because of the fact that my salary can't even help my parents and my family that's why I decided to go back here in our place. For now, I'm accepting write-ups but sad to say it was stopped, I don't know why, but I guess my employer was doing something important.

Being a writer is not that bad, I mean, in writing you can earn money and you can also learn new things. You can discover different facts that you can use in the future but I don't want to be a writer for the rest of my life. I have a dream, and that is to become a FILM DIRECTOR. I want to go abroad, particularly in US, to of course find a work and could study film making.

I know it's really impossible for me now to get the dream that I want. It's still in a gray faded crystal that I could barely see. And I know that I need to strive and do more but I feel tired, I don't know what to do just to save money for me to have a passport. I feel so down and stressed and I really don't know where should I go. Every time I think of this problems I feel so weak and helpless. And all I can do is to cry but I wanted to be strong. I wanted to face the world of trials and challenges, I wanted to be new, to be the person in the future that everyone will idolize  and see. And most of all, I wanted to be an instrument to help others to achieve the goals that they set for themselves.

I wanted to be an inspiration to everybody else who also have a dream. And I wanted also to be a new person, in which I could understand and knew myself more. I wanted to be strong just like any other men and wanted to find the true paradise and happiness that God save for me.

I know that this post should not be posted in here but I rather to post it, just to share something, and hopefully, to all the people who can see and read this, you got something in here that could be able to help you.